THE most predictable thing about a baby is change – just when new mums think they’ve got it ?gured out, babies change.
And dads need to not only support and encourage their partners, they need to take over some of the household tasks.
That’s according to Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA) – formerly Nursing Mothers Association – counsellor Margaret Wicks, who lives on the 284-hectare property, “Homelands”, Upper Dartbrook with husband Allen.
Margaret moved to the cattle property with her husband 39 years ago and had six children in just under 12 years, managing four children under ?ve at one stage; she now has five grandchildren.
She is keen to emphasise while the ABA encourages and supports new mothers to breastfeed, all mothers are welcome, and she counsels women across Australia.
Margaret was not from the Upper Hunter and found the local ABA meeting an ideal way to make new friends in a supportive environment.
“I didn’t go to school here, I came in my late teens and didn’t have many friends, and now, it’s been 37 years and I am still involved with ABA,” she re?ected.
“I joined when I was pregnant with my eldest in 1977, mainly because I think the expectation was I would breastfeed, and I really didn’t know much about it all.
“Most of my friends started but didn’t last very long with it, whereas Allen was so con?dent I would breastfeed.
“One of the biggest factors is the baby’s father, without a supportive signi?cant other, then breastfeeding is harder.”
Margaret discovered ABA was an opportunity to meet other women with babies.
“You can go with your new baby to the group and there are other women with new babies, not all breastfeeding, and it’s a good social outlet – we ?nd that in the country towns it’s great, especially for those who don’t have extended families nearby,” she said.
Involved in her local community in a myriad of ways as well as working in the Thoroughbred industry and assisting with grandchildren, Margaret became a volunteer counsellor and on a rostered basis receives calls and emails from mothers nationwide.
“Nobody needs to know I am a grandma over the telephone, I’m just an encouraging voice with the correct information and support, reassuring mums they are doing a good job, how hard mothering is but that it does get easier – and I can say that with con?dence because I have been there and made it to the other side,” she said.
“Having a baby is the steepest learning experience you will have in your life – and I generally think society doesn’t really support new mums enough, we don’t allow them to feel ‘wow I am out of my depth’.”
Margaret said there was pressure to conform to the ?ctional idea of an “average or ideal baby” as well as self-imposed pressure.
“Women have bigger expectations of themselves – especially because a lot of them are older mums now, they have been very competent and capable at doing what they are doing, and all of a sudden you’ve got this screaming, uncontrollable, uncontainable baby, and they have expectations they will be able to manage, because they’ve managed their life so well until now,” she said.
“Their expectations and reality are misaligned, so meeting with other mums helps.”
Margaret is passionate about giving women the opportunity to breastfeed and providing suggestions, but is equally passionate about encouraging mothers in mothering.
“I want mothers to be con?dent mothers – I breast fed for a total of 14 years but I’m not going to force that on anybody else.”
Margaret said she often counselled women to wean because that was what was needed to help them sort through feelings they were not doing a great job and feelings of guilt.
“The ABA is very conscious if a mother makes decision to formula feed, there is no judgment, but if mothers want to breastfeed the ABA offers the latest information and encouragement. It’s about choice,” she said.
Margaret estimated 70 per cent of parents returned to work before their babies were a year old, and the ABA was working to encourage employers to provide breastfeeding friendly workplaces.
The World Health Organisation (WHO) says the ideal time to wean is six months with the philosophy, “food is fun until one but the best nutrition is breast-feeding for 13 months if possible”.
Counselling requires diplomacy and tact – combating incorrect or unhelpful advice that can impact a mothers’ self-esteem, from “the lady next door, well-meaning relatives, or even members of the medical profession”.
“Women have felt residual guilt for decades because they can’t or didn’t breastfeed and they shouldn’t feel guilt,” Margaret said.
“Breastfeeding takes a lot of time – you do the best you can and be kind to yourself.”
Her message to husbands and partners is to allow new mums space to adjust to their role and – in the meantime – take over the housework.
“New mums might be trying to keep the house tidy with people popping in, which means husbands and partners need to take up other necessary roles like hanging out the washing, and they can think of ways to look after the baby too – but on the whole they see parenting s a mother’s role,” Margaret said.
“They might play with baby and change a nappy or two but then it’s ‘oops, crying, your turn now’.”
The ABA receives 80,000 Helpline calls annually – last month ABA recieved it’s 500,00th helpline call – and counsellors are all volunteers in their own homes.
“I love counselling mums – I love the interaction and being able to encourage mums and they say ‘thank you, I just needed someone to listen to me and tell me it is all going being to be ok’,” Margaret said.
“This is my return to society – if I can help mums to be con?dent, then it has a ripple effect, doesn’t it?”
Visit www.breastfeeding.asn.au