Support where it’s needed

The Victorian Adoption Network for Information and Self Help (VANISH) will soon kick-start support groups on the NSW border after finding the region had a high demand for its services.

The topic of adoption was too often treated as taboo and support in country areas was vital, said VANISH support group co-ordinator Charlotte Smith.

Ms Smith said the public perception of adoption was a barrier

to seeking help for all parties involved – mothers and fathers who were separated from their child, the adopted person and the adoptive parents.

VANISH recently conducted a survey after funding was released to establish eight regional support groups; and Albury-Wodonga was recognised as having a need and demand for support networks.

“There’s momentum in this area. There’s interest and enthusiasm, and it has strong potential for success,” Ms Smith said.

VANISH will operate three groups – one for people who were adopted, one for mothers whose child was adopted out and a mixed group for mothers, fathers, adopted persons, and adoptive parents.

“Adoption is often portrayed as a happy event, where those affected are lucky and should be grateful,” Ms Smith said.

“But the reality is separation from a child from the family of origin can be very painful.

“Support groups can seem confronting at first but they are also liberating as they validate people’s true feelings.

“Once people come in to the group and a safe space is created they are prepared to talk about it.”

Establishing a port of call for anybody who has been involved with an adoption could be a life line for some, she said.

Ms Smith said a high proportion of VANISH service users were in rural areas.

“Sometimes people find it difficult to go to groups in their hometown while others prefer it.

“It’s all personal preference and about where they feel comfortable. If people are willing to travel to groups in different locations they are welcome there too, but these groups have to be available,” she said.

The constant mental and emotional battle both parents and the adopted child can face is often overshadowed by the “fairytale” version of adoption; but Ms Smith said help was out there for all cases.

“What mothers often say is ‘nobody can understand the loss or the pain of having a child removed’. In a mothers’-only support group they don’t have to protect their feelings anymore – it’s very open and honest,” she said.

“Mothers were told to forget their baby and get on with their life, but they find it painful to know

that child is still out there living with somebody else and not knowing if they’re okay.

“The mixed groups are also very powerful, and an opportunity for people to come along and hear the other sides of the story.”

Ms Smith said while fathers could tend to be the “second stage” of the search process, they were important.

“Obviously some fathers don’t know they have a child out there somewhere, but many do, and for some it’s their only child in the world,” she said.

VANISH encourages men to attend the groups whether they are fathers or adoptees.

“Women traditionally are more used to coming together and talking about their feelings.

“It takes courage for every party to come along and listen, share and show curiosity about the impact of past adoption practices.”

VANISH is funded by the Victorian State government through the Department of Human Services.

Click here for more information on VANISH and their services.

HELEN Nicholson is a strong advocate for bringing post-adoption support networks to country NSW.

Ms Nicholson was adopted at six months old, and at 26 made contact with the Victorian Adoption Network for Information and Self Help (VANISH).

She has since been reunited with her birth mother, which has been both joyous and heartbreaking.

“VANISH stepped me through the process of a reunion and are there when you hit any hurdles along the way.”

Ms Nicholson’s mother was raised in country Victoria and fell pregnant at 21.

Ms Nicholson was adopted by sheep and wheat farmers near Wagga Wagga.

At 12 years old, Ms Nicholson received a booklet of her birth details, the physical appearance of her birth parents, their hobbies and a short narrative, from the Catholic Adoption Agency.

“I loved growing up on the farm but on the flip side it was very lonely – I had a lot of time in my head,” she said.

Despite a lifetime battling and seeking help for depression and anxiety said she only found help three years ago in Albury with Doctor Rosemary Saxton.

“She was my life saver,” Ms Nicholson said.

“She has validated my thoughts and feelings, found a path when I was lost, and gave me hope when there was none.

“There is support now here in Albury and it’s so important to ensure it’s readily available to people in country areas.”