Farmers Watching Farmers Wanting Wives episode 7: New ladies put some noses out of joint

And for the farmers, it pretty much feels like when you are heading home from a long day in the yards and you see a tree down across a fence.

Though in this case, the farmers will be taking the tree on a picnic and snogging it later.

Not that you would do that with an actual tree. Or maybe you would.

I feel like I might be digressing.

Moving on!

So the farmers have been brought together to have a chat.

Their conversation is literally word-for-word the banter you hear at any saleyards when you wander past a group of blokes leaning on the rails.

"I've made some strong connections," they pretty much all say.

Yup. Word-for-word.

But there's good news on the horizon - Nat is back.

"It is Nat!" Farmer Brad exclaims.

Yes Brad - it is. FINALLY.

But this year Nat drew the short straw and has to deliver the bad news to the boys.

Nope - not footrot. More chicks.

The boys see the cars roar up and I've got to be honest - the poor buggers look exhausted.

Brad attempts to quickly fix his hair and make himself presentable, before ladies bounce towards them.

Brenton is the most nervous - did Sophie give permission for him to meet other ladies?

The guys are plonked down on hay bales here and there, and have to meet two new ladies.

Just when we thought the awkwardness of these first dates was finally behind us - it's back like a bad case of scours.

Unfortunately, the new ladies have clearly made a bet in the car - who can prove they are more of a country girl than the others.

Lines like 'I can't wait to be amongst the land' fill the conversations, as each girl mentions a time they visited or saw a farm/steak/picture of a cow.

Farmer David's Sarah trumps them all - "my ancestors on my dad's side were very into sheep farming".

Well, there you go.

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Farmer Matt is presented with a (new) horse shoe by Maddy.

"It's off my horse," she declares proudly.

So poor Skittles is limping around somewhere, the poor bugger.

Meanwhile back on the farms the leftover girls are doing normal farm stuff - like playing pool in tight workout gear.

We also get a lovely romantic close-up of the sunset through some Chilean needle grass.

Back to the boys - and it's time to pick a winner.

Farmer Matt chooses dressage rider Madelon, Andrew picks Sarah, David invites Alyssa and Brenton asks Jemma to join the game.

Brad reckons he is going to need the skills of boarding house supervisor Shelby when the other ladies find out.

Each farmer takes his new lady for a romantic date.

And Farmer Brad absolutely takes the cake.

"It's like the Notebook!" Shelby squeals as they climb into a wooden boat.

Yep - if on the Notebook they floated unsteadily on a brown dam before the boat began to sink.

But things are getting giggly and flirty on the dam bank.

"I get the feeling you are a gentleman, but I sort of wish you weren't right now," Shelby purrs.

He gives her a pash, but let's be honest if he wanted to stop being a gentleman he could have dunked her in the dam with the submerged boat.

Things get even weirder on Brenton's date where they are playing some version of Truth or Dare, and Jemma makes him take his shirt off and do 25 push-ups.

Though it must work for her - they end up picnic pashing. Sophie did not authorise this.

Things are already looking promising for David and Alyssa.

"We're in the middle of nowhere!" she declares looking out the window. She obviously totally ready for farm life. They go to an alpaca farm and make wool flowers or something.

Andrew tells Sarah on their date that he has been trying new things - like dancing and Toastmasters. And, you know, going on a reality TV show.

She tells him her demands for a relationship include two 20-second hugs a day. Mine is two blocks of family-sized Cadbury.

Matt and Madelon go for a bike ride - we sure hope she rides a horse better than a bike. They sit awkwardly in a hammock.

But it's time for the country fair - which apparently is a bunch of stalls from the 1950s set up behind someone's shed.

Seven people have been employed to look like other participants in the fair.

The girls all stand around throwing darts at balloons and riding mechanical bulls while complaining about the farmers.

Those who watched last year's show are already expecting the guys to turn up with a new lady, and music from a horror movie is played as the girls sit around looking cranky.

But then it happens - the farmers arrive with a gorgeous new girl on their arm, and the girls stand around more open-mouthed than those clowns in the background whose mouths you put balls in.

The remaining girls pretend to be friendly but are snapping the carrot already.

This feels like such a missed opportunity. Why not set up a haunted house and then send the girls through it? After being frightened by ghosts and demons, their farmer could jump out of the darkness with his new girlfriend and yell 'we've already pashed!'.

Just a thought for next year.